The Only Guide to Public Speaking You'll Ever Need

Imagine you're sitting across from a stranger at a table. You smile as though you both are having a wonderful chat. The other person is gesturing emphatically. 

Now, someone else joins the conversation, perhaps someone carrying a briefcase who waves jauntily out the window to business-clad passersby, as they close the door behind them. 

This is a professional environment. 

The walls are all the same shade of unexpressive neutral, an unidentifiable clock clicks somewhere to your right, and the stale smell of musty air conditioning mixes with the stench of burning ink from a neighboring, wheezing printer. 

As more people occupy the chairs around the Olympic swimming-lane-sized table, you begin to panic. 

With horror, you realize that there is a panel of people, not just one person. And a more horrifying thought broadcasts with this circumstance: you will no longer have a conversation. Instead, your public speaking abilities will have to carry you through this situation. 

You're in an interview.

A comment I recently heard was "I am not good at public speaking," which, I completely empathize with. I like to think of interviews like public speaking because they can be reviewed by anyone. More terrifying than the interview itself are the unprompted questions that come after. It's the worst kind of reception because, unlike weddings and funerals, fun and food are not part of the agreement. Instead, this interviewing and professional type pushes one to volley questions, testing the conviction of the phrases that just spilled from your mouth. No fun or food is involved for anyone. 

This situation is what public speaking feels like to me. I can track a conversation but am easily distracted by my surroundings. So when I went to the Lumen Open Mic, I was sure that I would become so distracted and nervous at the thought of public speaking that I wouldn't even get up to read. 

The only professional aspect was the attire of the professors tonight. There was no volleying and reception of questions (phew), and the audience only paid attention to the poems they cared about. And even with all of the terrible outcomes I imagined and the details I found myself fixating on as I spoke, this event showed me that public speaking is a process over a catty-cornered verb (and a haunting one at that). 

A Survival Guide to Public Speaking:*

1. PANIC. 
1. Once you've lost all the sanity, there really is nothing else to lose. 
2. Become an expert (or a certified marketer) on your topic.
1. Reading publicly at this event was beneficial to me because I read my own material, meaning that it was something I knew best. But in the case that you don't know your stuff (which personally happens more often than not), just have a fact ready to rattle off and/or pretend you know a little more than you do. 
3. Focus on the meaning of your speaking.
1. Finding something meaningful about speaking helps make everything flow effortlessly. I focused on one thing: pronunciation, and somehow all of the other nit-picky aspects of speaking (meter, accents, lyrical embellishments, speed of speech, etc.) all came together. Don't try to think about everything you should be doing. Focus on one thing you know you can do.
4. Lose your paddle up a creek. 
1. If (and likely when) I make a mistake, continue on. People really only notice if you apologize or allow this mistake to upset the balance of your boat. Also, the current up creek has already carried the paddle of perfection away. Trying to save it will capsize the boat. 

*disclaimer: this is 100% subjective, relative to my individual experience, and partly glamorized. 

The experience of the Lumen Open Mic Night was illuminating because it showed me that public speaking is a process people follow in their own ways, and more often than not, I dread follow-up questions. This post has allowed me to realize my distrust of and dislike for professional settings.